today having a different time den usual
had gone sch same time but i was in the bus
when i feel like vomiting
and den when i reach sch my stomach pain
but no one seems to care....
haha cruz there no one who reali care about me at all in the first place
who reali care?
i not even sure of myself..
den went home with bro
and have a 5hrs of slp and feeling better
but after dat when i was lying on the bed, tears drop and i started coughing badly
bad enough to cough out my organ.
but still who cares?
everyone seem to be in a distance away from me
progressing maybe but me was standing there waiting for them?
wad the point of having friendship when none care about u
i miss my jap trip friends
onli with them i reali feel joy and happy
even now when i look at the pics taken
my tears roll down my cheek
i was toking to carel yesterday.
i tell carel dat i miss everyone
carel sae why(well not jus her saying why, i tell uma, jacinta, razi and alot of ppl saying i miss them but none noe why)
i say it because of the trip ppl, i managed to reali enjoy the journey, especially when the days before the trip was my emo days and stressful
i really always look forward to the meeting even though i need to wait for 5-6hrs i still willing to wait....
i reali enjoy it..in fact it was the best in my life
i can onli say if not for this trip, i had never know real joy
thanks hirouka-san
and i continued telling carel dat
and carel say u make us too noble already
but i reply...it true the 25 students and 5 teachers, u all are noble to me
i really feel no regret even if i were to choose to die or live
u all reali make all the trouble in me gone...
Yet my classmates and friends no one know about my troubles
in fact i dun reali think they reali treat me as friend
so the 25 students are truely noble to me and i really felt honoured to be able to go
Holy(a person) says why dont u put the joy in the team and put it into the class and have fun
and i say how, when there are ppl who i feel they dislike me and dun understand me
den Holy says first is u nv let them understand u
but i say how to let them understand when there are ppl who always making use of me...there was this person by the name of SK ask me to go and play basketball with him on mon after sch cruz tutorial optional
but i say i dun wan cruz my foot very pain cruz my foot had a hole of the skin drop off
but he say wad kind of friend i am
First, it not i dun wan to go with him, it because my leg pain and he wan me to go out of sch to play a game and wan me go home myself isit?
HELLO?MY FOOT HURTS...DOES HE NOE? YES HE NOE CRUZ I SAY ALREADY AND HE STILL SAY WAD KIND OF FRIEND I AM....HEY DOES HE KNOW EVEN NOW MY FOOT HURTS AND I CANT WALK PROPERLY AND IN FACT WHEN HE ALWAYS ASK ME TO GO OUT WITH HIM I ALWAYS SAY OK.AND NOW IT JUS BECAUSE OF THIS, HE SAE WAD KIND OF FRIEND I AM...AND I SAY SORRY ALREADY HE DUN ACCEPT..SO U WAN ME DO WAD CUT OF MY LEG AND JUMP DOWN FROM THE BUILDING AND DEN U ACCEPT MY APOLOGY?
SUMMORE PPL LIKE MT OR ZX OR EVEN CYN....THEY ALL LIKE HATE ME OR WAD...A DISTANCE IS KEPT...EVEN JASMINE AND LINDA AND DOREWEN AND SHIMEI THEY ALLL....DOES ANYONE NOE MY FEELING? DOES ANYONE KNOW MY TROUBLES? DOES ANYONE KNOW?

so holy says its i nv let them understand me
BUT HOW TO LET THEM UNDERSTAND WHEN ME WHEN THEY LIKE SCARE OF ME OR DISLIKE ME OR WHEN I WAS WITH THEM, I FEEL LIKE IM IGNORED OR IRRITATING...SO U WAN ME DO WAD DEN U ALL CAN UNDERSTAND? SUICIDE ISIT OR BEING KILLED?
So wad the point of having classmates and friends...
no one cares...
and in facr in sec 2, i went to sickbed and my bag in the classrm...and when i come back my bag was on the floor with the content all around the floor..and when i ask my classmate who done it..no one know....THIS SHOWS WAD NO ONE CARES ABOUT ME..THEY DOESNT EVEN CARE ABOUT MY BAG...THEY DOESNT EVEN CARE TO HELP ME TAKE CARE...THEY DOESNT EVEN CARE TO SEE WHO WAS THE ONE...WAD THE POINT......I REALLY DUN WAN THIS
i cry saying all this to holy....
wad the point of me being born into this world?
wad the goal of me in this world?
i hav suffer for 6 years in pri sch
and now another 4 years
im tired reali tired

haha saying all this ...but it doesnt matter anyway...no one gonna look at it noone gonna to be bother by this...onli me..im jus so dumb and stupid...whenever got quarral with friends, always i say sorry...and they make use of the me sayin sorry first to get wad they wan...DUMB ARNT I.. REALI DUMB...STILL CHILDISH AND IMATURE...WAD THE POINT OF HAVING SAY IT IN THE FIRST PLACE WHEN NO ONE REALI ACCEPT IT AND ONLI JUS MAKE USE OF IT...WAD THE POINT OF HAVING SAY IT FIRST WHEN NO ONE WILL CARE ABOUT U AND STILL DOES THE SAME THING....I FEEL LIKE THERE NO GOAL...I WAN TO REST,,,,im tired reali tired....YAYA EVERYTHING MY FAULT RITE HOLY....I WAS THE ONE DAT CAUSE ALL THIS STUFF....RETRIBUTION ISNT IT?
Bye...im tired from crying and coughing